January 10th, 2012
September 27th, 2011
September 16th, 2011
“Time’s fun when you’re having flies.” – Kermit the Frog
“Age doesn’t always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.” – anonymous
“Free the Indianapolis 500!” – Abbie Hoffman
September 6th, 2011
“That’s cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!”
“Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.”
“Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500 ml of this stuff before?”
“Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?”
“Ya’ know, there’s big money in kidneys… and this guy’s got two of ’em.”
“Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what’s that?”
“Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.”
“What’s this doing here?”
“Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!”
“This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?”
“Don’t worry. I think it’s sharp enough.”
“Better save that. We’ll need it for the autopsy.”
August 15th, 2011
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Which is the other side of the street?
What hair color do they put on the driver’s license of a bald man?
What do people in China call their good plates?
Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
July 19th, 2011
June 8th, 2011
“If Wyle E Coyote had enough cash to buy all that ACME crap why didn’t he just buy dinner?”
“Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask, ‘Where have I gone wrong?’ Then a voice says to me, ‘This is going to take more than one night’.”
“If skinny people go skinny dipping, does that mean fat people go chunky dunking?”
“I never finish anyth… “
May 9th, 2011
* Why is it when you have to turn some products upside down to read the directions, that the directions say “do not turn this product upside down”?
* Aren’t the ‘good things that come to those who wait’ just the leftovers from the people that got there first?
* If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
* Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what ever comes out”?
* Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?
March 21st, 2011
Reasons why it’s great to be a guy:
When your work is criticized, you don’t have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You don’t give a rat’s butt if anyone notices your new haircut.
You can sit with you knees apart no matter what you’re wearing.
You don’t mooch off others’ desserts.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
February 7th, 2011
Five Truths Black And Hispanic People Know, But White People Won’t Admit:
1. Elvis is dead.
2. Jesus was not White.
3. Rap music is here to stay.
4. Skinny does not equal sexy.
5. An occasional BUTT whooping helps a child stay in line.
Five Truths White And Black People Know, But Hispanic People Won’t Admit:
1. Hickey’s are not attractive.
2. Chicken is food, not a roommate.
3. Jesus is not a name for your son.
4. “Jump out and run” is not in any insurance policies.
5. 10 people to a car is considered too many!
Five Truths White And Hispanic People Know, But Black People Won’t Admit:
1. O. J. did it.
2. Tupac is dead.
3. Teeth should not be decorated.
4. Jesse Jackson will never be President.
5. Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car