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"The most wasted of all days is one without laughter." -
E.E. Cummings






Killer “Silly Putty Sniper” on the Loose…

December 31st, 2009

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We need to find this guy. Sure, he’s shooting silly putty figures now but what’s next? Small animals? Small people? Medium sized people? Extra large people?

He has no guilt about the damage he does to our society. I say we hunt him down and kill him!

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Phil’s Follies…

December 30th, 2009

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OK, it’s time for New Years Resolution lists and I am about to show you mine. Read ’em and weep, baby. You are about to see what a man I really am.

1. I vow to start smoking, develop a nicotine habit, and then stop smoking by February 1st (just for the hell of it).

2. I vow in 2010 to make All-Pro for both the Green Bay Packers and the New York Yankees (yes, it can be done).

3. I vow to find a cure for “social embarrassment”… I want everyone to feel comfortable talking to me.

4. I vow to eradicate “global warming” by doing nothing.

5. I vow to become even more humble in 2010.

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Poor Santa… Poor, Poor Santa

December 30th, 2009

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When Santa is finally done with Christmas, he has been known to release stress in different ways. Really different ways. Let’s hope that he gets some much needed rest… and some underwear.

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Asking for Advice… Very Clever Answer

December 30th, 2009

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Here is recent advice printed in a newspaper that offers a perfect answer:

Dear Miriam,

The other day I set for work, leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual.

I hadn’t gone a hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car juddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband’s help. When I got home I found him in the bedroom. I couldn’t believe my eyes.

He was parading in front of the wardrobe mirror in my underwear and high heel shoes, and he was wearing my make up.

I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have been married for 12 years. When I confronted him, he tried to make out that he had dressed up in my lingerie because he couldn’t find any of his own underwear. But when I asked him about the make up, he broke down and admitted that he had been wearing my clothes for six months.

I told him it had to stop or I would leave him. He was made redundant from his job six months ago, and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless.

I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum, he has become increasingly distant, and I don’t feel I can get through to him any more. Please… can you help?
– Mrs B, Essex

Here is the answer:

Miriam says… a car stalled after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults in the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the jubilee clips holding the vacuum pipes onto the inner manifold. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.

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The Three Stooges… Stupid as Usual but Very Funny

December 29th, 2009

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Curly, Moe, and Larry are at it again. God help us.

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The “Red Shirt” Thing… A Tribute to Our Military

December 29th, 2009

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If the “red shirt” thing is new to you, as it was to me, read the story below submitted by a businessman:

Not long ago, while traveling to Chicago on business, I noticed a
Marine sergeant traveling with a folded flag but I did not put two and two together.

After we boarded our flight, I turned to the sergeant, who’d
been invited to sit in First Class (across from me), and inquired
if he was heading home.

No, he responded. I asked if he was heading out. No. He was escorting a soldier home. Going to pick him up? No. He was with him right now. He was killed in Iraq, He was taking him home to his family.

The realization of what he had been asked to do hit me like a
punch to the gut. It was an honor for him. He told me that, although he didn’t know the soldier, he had delivered the news of his passing to the soldier’s family and felt as if he knew them after many conversations in so few days.

I turned back to him, extended my hand and said, “Thank you, thank you for doing what you do so my family and I can do what we do.”

Upon landing in Chicago the pilot stopped short of the gate and
made the following announcement over the intercom:

“Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to note that we have had
the honor of having Sergeant Steeley of the United States Marine
Corps join us on this flight. He is escorting a fallen comrade back
home to his family. I ask that you please remain in your seats when we open the forward door to allow Sergeant Steeley to deplane and receive his fellow soldier. We will then turn off the seat belt sign.”

Without a sound, all went as requested. I noticed the sergeant
saluting the casket as it was brought off the plane, and his
actions made me realize that I am proud to be an American.

So here’s a public “Thank You” to our military men and women for
what you do so we can live the way we do.

Red Fridays.

Very soon, you will see a great many people wearing Red every
Friday. The reason? Americans who support our troops used to be called the “silent majority.” We are no longer silent, and are voicing our love for God, country and home in record breaking numbers. We are not organized, boisterous or overbearing.

Many Americans, like you, me and all our friends, simply want
to recognize that the vast majority of America supports our
troops. Our idea of showing solidarity and support for our troops with dignity and respect starts this Friday — and continues each and every Friday until the troops all come home, sending a deafening message that every red-blooded American who supports our men and women from a far, will wear something red.

The first thing a soldier says when asked “What can we do to
make things better for you?” is “We need your support and your
prayers.” Let’s get the word out and lead with class and dignity,
and wear something red every Friday.

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Pigeon Problems… (No, Not That Kind of Problem)

December 29th, 2009

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How does one measly little innocent punk pigeon find a way to almost destroy the world? Watch this and see how.

This is almost like a Three Stooges routine with one pigeon doing all three parts.

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NCAA College Football… The Bowl Season is Here

December 28th, 2009

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For all of us college sports fans nirvana is here. We have started the college football bowl season. This year, the match-ups seem to be particularly good as almost every game looks close… at least on paper.

Come on ladies, give your guys a break and let them go into a football coma for the next several days. Bragging rights are on the line for team vs team, conference vs conference, speed vs power, defense vs offense, coach vs coach, passing games vs power running programs.

I want it all!!!

Bring in on pal… bring it on.

College football and the bowl season. Is this a great country, or what?

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From Sleep to the Twilight Zone…

December 28th, 2009

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How would you like to wake up so scared you cry? Check out the look on this guy’s face.

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Yeah… One More Kick Should Do It

December 27th, 2009

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Here we see another big payoff for sending our sons and daughters away to college. How proud his parents must be.

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